To Ella on Mother's Day

Dear Ella,
There are 18 million reasons why I love being your mom. I wanted to share a few of them with you. Some may surprise you, some may compel you to do your famous eye roll, some ( I hope) will make you smile. All of them are true, and everyday I discover new reasons...
1. Your sweet face. I never imagined I could have a daughter as beautiful as you. You have the most expressive face. Your smile makes me laugh out loud with joy. And, as I have told you, it was one of your very first expressions (one so much like my own) that made me first really connect to motherhood. I looked down at your beautiful face and saw and expression on your countenance that made me say " you must be mine!"
2. Your laugh. Ever since you were a baby you have laughed in color. Deep, rich reds and blues and purples. Your laugh is infectious. You laugh with your whole heart. Your laugh is always friendly and loving. It is the music that fills my soul.
3. Your messy room. Shocked? Are you perhaps, mistrustful on this one? Let me be clear, it is not ok for you to live in filth. You still have to clean your room, obviously. But, I love that you LIVE in your room. I love that your desk is covered in colored pencils and drawings. I love the scraps of paper, fabric and glitter that cover the floor- evidence of some recent project you cooked up. I love the sweet smell on the 19 sweatshirts flung behind your door(because hanging them on the door hook would have been just too much). I love the idea that one day you will walk into your own daughters room and ask "what's that growing in that glass?!"
4. Your curiosity. I love that you understand that the world is so much bigger than you. And I love that you want to learn all about it. Your interest in art and music and fashion and big cities. All of your questions and ideas and plans. Your curiosity feeds your nature, and that nature will lead you to great things.
5. Your voice. The first time I heard that little voice, my heart leapt. You not only laugh in color, you speak and sing in color as well. And even when we argue, and that voice is the last thing I want to hear ( you wee sassafras), there is not one night that has passed since you were born, that your sweet voice hasn't danced through my dreams and I smile at the sound.
6. Your sense of humor. You're really funny! It's awesome! And now that you're older, we laugh at some of the same things. And to be honest, I've always prided myself a bit on my humor, and I'm glad it's one of the things you've inherited. Laugh when things are funny baby girl, it will save you from life's alligators...
7. How we're different. I love your confidence, your self assurance. I struggled (and struggle) with those things so often. You're humble and self aware at the same time, an incredible accomplishment for a girl your age. I am so proud of you.
8. How we're the same. I love that we both love to read, and we both love to learn. I love that music fills our hearts and that we dance instead of walking. I love how we both love with ferocity. I love that we both believe in magic.
9. Your mind. You have a mind of your own. I suppose this is one of the biggest hurdles of parenting a soon to be teenage child. No, you're not allowed to be rude or fresh. You still have to listen to rules. And sometimes the answer to the question really is just " because I said so." But think critically my love. Ask questions! Just because a grown up says it doesn't mean it's so. Unearth the answers with your own tools.
10. What we don't know vs. what we do. This mystery applies to parenting most of all. You and I have been through a lot together. And we're going through a lot. We don't know for sure what the future will bring. We don't know all the answers. But what we do know is that I am better for having been your mother. And the world is a more beautiful place for having you in it. And that gets me through each day.
The bottom line is, being your mom has made my life so much more special, so much more magical than I ever could have imagined. You are my daughter, with a strong body and sound mind and merciful heart. And there is not one single moment in the entire luminous time you have been on this earth, that you haven't been loved.
Thanks baby.
Love,
Mama