Baby Stars

Those of you that know me know I am a champion story teller. I love to concoct my own, usually fantastic and far fetched, explanations of why things are the way they are. I have yet to do that for my cancer. I don't know that I can. I have certainly thought about it and have come up with practical explanations, Inge just happen. Sometimes shitty things happen to good people. And as I continue living with my disease, I realize that I am blessed to do just that, live. So I thank God that he is with me through this and I pray for him to continue blessing me as I fight for my life. I won't go anywhere just yet, not if I have something to say about it! But I digress. Stories. When we were very young my mother talked about the Jimmy star. The star that belongs to my brother. Just as she told us about our guardian angels. I have taken this story a step further as a parent and auntie to so many wonderful little ones. I now believe that each baby has a star, and the star first appeared the night they were born. As they grow, the star grows brighter. So my child and my bevy of nieces and nephews have stars to empower them. Their stars are there when they need comfort, when they are scared. The stars share in their joys and help them through their sorrows. Their stars house their guardian angels, and when the angels leave to check in on their children, the stars guide them.  I have often envisioned our babies wearing crowns made of pieces of their star. I saw the crown the morning my Ella was born. After a long and arduous labor my baby entered the world. And she was placed in my arms almost immediately. I gasped at her beauty and as I looked into her eyes, her angel appeared in the reflection. She winked at me. I looked at Ella's sweet baby head, covered in soft curls, and sitting there was a glittering crown of stars. It fit her perfectly. It only stayed for a minute and then was gone, but. Know it was there. It was fashioned by her angel, a reminder to me that i was not on my own with this baby. When times got rough, I need only look up at the night sky, and there I would find help. I believe her crown was made up of pieces of my star as well. That crown is the link between myself and my daughter, we share it's power, and our love gives it strength.  So in my head, the night sky is made up of thousands of stars, each one belonging to a precious little one. And I love this story because I love the idea that we are not alone in this life. And when I do gaze up at the stars, I feel connected. I am not just floating about pell mell. My star has given me extra power to fight my disease. I am fortified by its light. My crown in like an armor against the cancerous cells.  I hope my child and all the other children in my life are comforted their stars, and know that they are always looking out.